What I Wish Every Fundraiser Knew Part 4: The Psychology of Endearing Yourself to Donors

By Kimberly Jetton, CFRE, MNM

I met a donor a few years ago at a little coffee shop on a chilly morning. She ambled in, looking tired and bundled up. As she sat down, I handed her a steaming mug of coffee at the table. Ten minutes later, she smiled and told me stories about her childhood. The warmth of the cup opened a gentle connection between us. That meeting became the start of a friendship and years of generous support.

People give to organizations, yes, that is true. But always remember that you are the face of the organization. Donors give because of how they feel about you. Your warmth. Your trustworthiness. Your energy. Ultimately, they are giving to the mission because you made it come alive for them.

That means you have an incredible opportunity. By understanding a little psychology, you can leverage yourself for success. Not tricks. Not manipulation. Just the simple human ways we all connect. Here are eight tried and true methods that will help donors leave every interaction saying, “I really like her.”

1. Embodied Warmth

A warm drink in your hands makes the world feel a little softer. Scientists have found that physical warmth makes people feel more kindness and trust toward others. Offering a donor a cup of coffee or tea is more than polite. It quietly tells their brain, “You are safe and welcome here.” Choose spaces that feel sunny or cozy rather than cold and stark. The warmer the setting, the warmer the connection.

2. The Endorphin Effect of Touch

A handshake or a hug. A pat on the shoulder. Linking arms as you walk through a crowded event. No matter how small or brief, these small touches release oxytocin, which is the bonding hormone. It is the same chemical that helps people feel trust and closeness. That is one reason in-person meetings build stronger ties than endless emails ever can. Always keep touch appropriate, but do not underestimate the power of being physically present.

3. Social Proof Through Identity

Donors give because it affirms who they want to be. It is one thing to thank a donor by saying, “Your gift helped feed two hundred families.” It is far stronger to say, “Because of you, two hundred families knew someone cared.” That turns the act of giving into a reflection of their identity. Use phrases like, “You have always been one of our most thoughtful supporters.” People rise to the identities we hand them.

4. The Reciprocity Reflex

Humans naturally want to give back. A handwritten note or remembering a donor’s grandchild’s name can spark a quiet sense of wanting to return the kindness. They will not think, “I owe her ten thousand dollars because she sent me a note.” But they will feel a little more open to generosity. Small gestures matter because generosity begets generosity.

5. Mere Exposure Effect

We tend to like what we see often. That is why familiar faces feel safe. Regular contact with donors builds that same sense of comfort. A cheerful update. A quick phone call. An article you send because it reminded you of them. These touchpoints pile up in the best way. When your name appears, the donor smiles because they connect you with a history of good feelings.

6. Novelty Sparks Attention

The human brain lights up when something feels new. Novelty releases dopamine, which is the brain’s way of saying, “Pay attention, this is exciting.” If every nonprofit sends the same fall newsletter, yours will get lost. If you show up with something fresh — a funny story, a video thank you, or even a clever subject line — you stand out. Donors will remember you as the one who surprised them.

7. The Peak End Rule

People do not remember every detail of an interaction. They remember the most emotional moment and the ending. If you create a high point in a donor meeting through a moving story or a shared laugh and then end on a warm note of gratitude, they will carry that memory far longer than the rest. Begin well but end even better.

8. Emotional Contagion

Emotions spread quickly. If you are nervous or tense, the donor will feel it. If you are calm, joyful, and enthusiastic, they will catch that energy instead. This is why how you show up matters just as much as what you say. Donors may forget your words, but they will not forget how you made them feel.

Wrapping It Up

Fundraising is not about perfect pitches or pie charts. It is about how you make people feel in your presence.

When you lean into these small psychological truths, you are not manipulating. You are honoring the natural ways humans connect. Donors will feel warmer and more joyful with you. When they feel good, they want to see you again. And when they want to see you again, you have the foundation for a lasting and generous relationship.

“Donors give when their hearts light up with you and your mission. What they remember most is the joy of being seen and valued.”